yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
