the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
