My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
