my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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