I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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