I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
