anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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