Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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