No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He shit in the fireplace
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
