dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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