don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
