Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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