Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
