last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
