he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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