the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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