he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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