Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
