Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
