i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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