so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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