we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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