I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
