Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
North Korea, Best Korea!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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