If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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