my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
