Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
