Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
