You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
