You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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