Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
