you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So many bounce houses so little time
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
