Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my shit smells like andre
she told me i tasted like america
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
