I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
