i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
