my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
