I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
