Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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