We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
