I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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