I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
