remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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