a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
