I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
