I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
