hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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