I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
