I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
