remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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