i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i need some magic done to my vagina
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
