Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
