What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
