You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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