you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My bed smells like the plague
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
