Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
