I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
